Billy Mays, one of the great pitchmen of all time, has been lost to all of us.
The Mets have decided to honor Billy for the rest of the season by playing fundementally sound baseball.
"Billy was a perfectionist, so the least we can do is honor his memory by playing mistake free ball from here on out," said Mets second baseman Luis Castillo, owner of the full line of Oxi-Clean products.
Mets third baseman David Wright agrees. "I've molded a glove out of Mighty Putty, and I plan on using it for the season, beginning tonight. Nothing gets through the Mighty Putty webbing."
Skipper Jerry Manuel, usually reserved and smiling in his post-game press conferences, plans to "scream to my heart's content." He is also dyeing the gray flecks out of his beard.
The Mets ground crew have added the Awesome Auger to their tool bags.
Carlos Delgado refused comment, only saying, "not now my friends, not now" prior to wiping away tears through a Sham-Wow and pledging a new allegiance to Vince.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
by Dave Singer